Independence

Guest

Something kind of personal.
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When do I gain the independence everyone so adores? Everyone tells me I should enjoy the outdoors and the world outside. But I do not have that luxury. I do not have that time. When the house grows silent and groans with year pains, when my mother goes off to work. How do I go out? You mean to the convenient store a block away. How is that at all going out?

Everyone stares at me in pity. Everyone stares at me with sympathy. How is that independence? My body goes against me, I'm always either to sick to go anywhere or get sick going somewhere. How can I be less than anything when I'm not permitted?

Some ways to gain independence would to get a car, but when your medication makes you so drowsy that you sleep twice a day then maybe operating machinery isn't a good thing. I sit in a time capsule, watching as others pass me by. They are living a life. But ironically enough I'm not jealous of their lives. Not even the slightest bit envious. I just wish more for myself.

I know the way I am going now, I know the way I am now is not helpful.